Today as I sunned my gloriously sculpted granite body on Shanklin beach on the Isle of Wight, as well as being careful not to flex anything other than my calves, (anything more could be dangerous due to a tidal wave of women hitting me like a white squall). I lost myself in thought. I looked across the calm seas to the North Island, or mainland England as you northerners call it. I thought about all the things that you guys have gotten wrong over there, such as dietary needs, pollution, house prices, roundabouts, the weather and of course that tragic mistake known as equality – across the board of course. I won’t lie, a tear rolled down my cheek all the way to its resting place on top of one of my huge and perfectly shaped pecs. This sadness was passing though, I soon cheered up when I remembered what you guys do really, really well. (Sometimes). Martial arts shows!