The Secret Blogger: Common effin sense

Written by ‘Steven Johns*

Are fighters naturally dumb?

How many fighters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because they are too f_cking dumb to know what a light bulb is!

If you are looking for a promotion to fight for?

DO:

  • Contact the matchmaker/promoter directly with a link to the next point!
  • Keep it short and sweet and with a working link to your record and/or video to a recent fight
  • Have an up-to-date Sherdog account. No one likes a fighter who says “My Sherdog isn’t up to date, sorry” plus the initial reaction to seeing this statement is usually “Of course it’s not”.

DO NOT:

  • Have embarrassing ‘tough guy’ pic as your profile on social media. Just be yourself, unless you are a tough guy and in that case just f_ck off out of people’s faces you tw@t.
  • Continually post ‘mean mug’ pics on your Instagram. Gone are the days of people being impressed with a ‘scary’ looking guy who says they fight. If the only face you can pull is that then STOP POSTING SELFIES, leave that to 14 year old girls and transgender men who you totally thought  “I’d love to f_ck that” until you saw the age and/or gender you closet Queen!
  • Write begging posts, “Come on {insert promotion here} I am the best {insert weight class here} in {insert country, region, city here}”. It just makes you look like an amateur and/or desperate.
  • Insult, ignore, talk sh1t about the promotion you want to fight for. Do you honestly think a promotion is going to snap up and sign a guy/girl who says “F_ck the UFC/ Bellator/Rizin”? There is a massive difference between someone having personality/draw and someone forcing a selling point via an awkward attempt of a shit Ric Flair impression.
  • Pretend to be McGregor, MVP or any other fighter in order to get attention. Just be yourself and let your fighting do the talking and then develop a character/style not the other way around. TIMING and ACCURACY in interviews will do wonders for your status. Lessons are available, please contact Chris Emmanuel via Addicted OTR 😉

Looking for sponsorship?

DO:

  • Write an honest NOT cut and pasted message/email. A brand will most likely ignore a message that is obviously sent out to everyone with a name change. It’s nice to know the fighter will take the time to write something personal not just cut and paste a request from Google.
  • Say exactly what you are looking for. All brands have levels of sponsorship, don’t make them guess what you want. You want clothing? Say so. You want fight equipment? Say so. You want money? Say so! Don’t just put “I’d love to have a sponsorship or be an ambassador for your brand”. F_cking ambassador! You idiots got tricked by Badboy’s clever ploy a couple years back, now you seem to think you’re sponsored because you get a 10% discount.
  • Give a date of your next fight/competition. No one gives a sh1t about how many people saw your last fight if your next fight is not booked, because (spoiler alert) even if you are booked to fight it might not happen for any number of reasons; so don’t expect a sponsor to jump on board unless you are at least booked!
  • Offer to advertise and promote before/during the build up to the fight (and after the fight). “I will wear your stuff for my fight”. Oh really will you? Oh thanks what an honour! Oh that’s more than we expected you to do for us after giving you a bunch of free equipment, we thought you would just throw the stuff away not actually wear it in the fight you f_cking dumb shit.

DO NOT:

  • Beg on social media. It’s obvious but for the more mentally challenged of us, it makes you look desperate and that is not what potential sponsors like in a sponsee.
  • Send blanket messages/emails. It’s just a matter of respect, you want free gear! At least take the time to write to them not just send the same thing to everyone. Plus do you not think the brands know each other and laugh about this kinda thing?
  • Act like you are doing the company a favour. You are one amongst (probably) millions of potential McGregors, so don’t bust through the door spouting about what “a great opportunity for exposure” it is.
  • Act like you are offering something revolutionary. Again, 1 of a million not 1 in a million. Understand the difference and act accordingly. None of you are reinventing the wheel, you are a heavy bag with logos on it in the eyes of a sponsor. Unless you are in the highest end of the sport your ‘exposure’ is worth realistically f_ck all when it comes to sales directly relating to YOU as a individual wearing the brand. You should feel honoured and happy that anyone is going to give you anything for free or in exchange for some Instagram love.
  • Inflate the benefits. Brands know what sponsoring does for them (usually f_ck all other than a picture or two if they are lucky) and do not need a guy/girl with a 3-2 amateur record explaining the benefits of sponsoring them.
  • Lie. This is the ultimate deal breaker, lie about anything from your record to your next fight and any brand with any clue won’t touch you with a 10ft barge pole.

So, in short, the answer to my question is, YES fighters are naturally dumb, but only because the fighters are made up of the general population and the general population seems to be overrun by people smart enough to know that they know something but to dumb to know that that what they know is probably wrong.

* = Steven Johns is the pen name of our guest blogger. He is a former professional fighter who is still involved in the industry.

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